On and Off

Man, what a day!  I felt like I had a willpower switch that was being flipped on and off all day.  It was frustrating!  I really think, sadly, that I will show a gain tomorrow for my first WI.  Ugh!  Well, that's very disappointing but deserved and I am willing to keep going and trying for a better second week!  Honestly, regardless of the scale, I feel way better this week than I have in many weeks.  My eating definitely hasn't been all health foods, but it's still much improved overall.  I don't feel as heavy, and that's a super good feeling!

I took some pics today, but not all.  Had a busy day and managed to forget some.  So I'm just gonna give you the rundown of my ups and downs and go to bed!

The day started off with willpower.  I woke up ready to do good!  I don't normally give my kids any sweets for breakfast, not even Poptarts anymore.  But last night, I had promised them they could have 2 cookies for breakfast because I made them as they were going to bed.  I handed each kid 2 cookies, and low and behold there was ONE left.  Yep, I ate it.

So then I was tempted to say, "FORGET IT!  You blew it first thing, just eat what you want.  A new points week starts tomorrow. Enjoy the day."  Instead, I straightened up my attitude.  I had one cookie, so what - that was 3 points+.  I didn't even feel hungry, so instead of having my planned breakfast I just ate 2 turkey sausage links at 2 points+  for some protein and went on with my morning.  I'm pretty sure I had a banana, too.  I felt victorious instead of defeated.

The kids had a friend over today for a gift exchange.  We all decided to do Subway as our lunch.  My sandwich was 9 points+, and I had 3 points+ worth of chips.  Everyone else enjoyed Chips Ahoy cookies, but I told my friend I wasn't going to have any because I was holding out for GINGERBREAD PANCAKES tonight at Shoneys!  She understood that, and I didn't feel odd for not eating any cookies.  Once again, I felt victorious!

My friend and I left my house to head to our homeschool function.  During the second hour class, the teacher walked in with homemade cupcakes with chocolate frosting to celebrate today being our last class of the semester.  I cringed.  But again, I declined having one and gave my reason why.  No one thought a thing of it.  Yay, victory!

Before leaving for supper out, I was S T A R V I N G.  I also felt agitated thanks to TOM.  The Chips Ahoy cookies were on the table from lunch... staring at me.  I told myself no, yes, no, yes, no.  Then I opened the pack and grabbed a handful.  Then I put them all back but one.  I ate that one cookie... 3 points+.  But I stopped at that one!  Another semi-victory.

So we finally get to Shoney's - the day I've been waiting for ALL. WEEK. LONG.  I go to order only to be told THEY DON'T CARRY THE GINGERBREAD PANCAKES!!!  Ahhhhhhhh......... NOOOOOOOOO.  I was devastated.  I had nothing on my mind or heart or soul but those stupid pancakes.  Lol  Sad, I know.

I took forever to order.  My husband and the man we were with were both having the seafood buffet.  I was just so confused now.  I did good and bad at the same time.  I ordered an omelet and got a fruit bowl instead of hash browns.  But then I ordered a side of 2 pancakes.  I had no clue the pancakes would be so big and fluffy.  One would've been plenty.  I just had my heart set so much on  pancakes today!  I did share a few bites of my pancakes with my husband.  Other than that, I ate everything.

Then we were off to Payless and Walmart for shopping.  There is a man in our church who is very poor and is a little mentally and physically handicapped.  Someone gave us $500 to buy him some clothes and necessities with!  How amazing!  We had the best time.  The man has the mind of around an 8-12 year old child.  We laughed and giggled.  We pushed him around in his wheelchair and picked out so many clothes.  We got bed sheets, towels and washrags, a trash can... just things all of us have in our homes and think nothing of that he was living without.

Then I ended my mediocre day with the stupidest thing ever.  It had been 5 hours since we ate.  I was hungry.  I was craving something sweet.  I went back by Shoney's and got a cookie skillet with ice cream and caramel on top to go.  Yeah... NOT VICTORIOUS!  Lol

Argh.... whatever.  Stupid, stupid, stupid choice.  After all that partial willpower, I snapped.  Blah.

We never got back home to relieve MIL from her duties until 11 pm.  I don't think she's EVER been happier to see me in our 13 years.  ROFL

So here I sit at midnight, knowing I have to weigh in tomorrow and feeling stupid that I didn't even last ONE week 100% on program.  So on to week 2!  May it be merry and bright and may I get un-contrary and light. Hahaha  

GOODNIGHT!  :)